August 14, 2012
To whomever takes the time to read this,
In
starting this story of my life, or whatever you want to call it, I was left
with a predicament. How should I start? Most people say it is best to start at
the very beginning. However, I do not remember my birth nor should I like to.
Although, my Dad always tells me I came out faster than a jet while smiling and
screaming. Sometimes I go out into the pasture, behind my country home, to test
whether or not it is possible to smile and scream at the same time. Actually, I
haven’t but I have tried to imagine me doing so. For some reason, smiling and
screaming seem to conflict in interest. For one smiles when one is happy and
one screams when one is in a detrimental situation. Perhaps I was both excited
to be leaving my mother’s womb while also being terrified at my life ahead, and
for good reason.
As a
child, I took great delight in terrifying my mother. In fact, by the time I was
two or three, I had managed to almost drown myself, break my leg, and get stuck
on the monkey bars. Then by the time I was six I had already managed to impel
my head, which explains my lack of common sense as a young adult. Although, my family would argue I have never possessed
common sense. However, my childhood is merely the foundation to the person I
have become. Which is…well you shall just have to read on to discover for
yourself what kind of person I am.
Anyways, as I write this I am actually communicating with a
boy of a serious delibatating disease. Man ego.
He has the most catastrophic case I have ever seen. He is all right I
suppose but not as wondrous as a certain James Bublay, my first love. At this
point in time I feel as though he shall be my only one. Everyone says that is
stuff and nonsense, a mere dream of a high school girl of seventeen. Is that so
wrong? To imagine that I will be forever with the certain boy who I can’t
imagine my life without? Well, according to anyone over the age of 21, yes, it
is stupid. Oh well, I have never been one to listen to my elders anyways,
except my Dad.
Now
that man, is a special fellow. I had always wanted to marry him until I was in
kindergarten when I met Preston Bougherty. Apparently I had the biggest crush on
that kid, but I rarely ever see him now. He used to be really chubby, now he
wrestles and is kind of hot. He has a
girlfriend though and is kind of preppy, so not really my type. I usually get along with guys who don’t fit
in with the in crowd, although I am usually neutral in the social circle. I don’t
really exist in any gossip chains. I suppose I do in all reality, but I do
enjoy the fact I do not know of any rumors being spread about me, that I did
not start.
Although
I have not started many rumors about myself but my favorite one happened just
recently. Since, James and I broke up (which you shall learn about later) we
have still continued to talk. Although to maintain a certain level of secrecy I
changed his name on my phone to Rodney. One time my brother discovered me
talking to him and asked who I was talking to. I told him it was Rodney
Pritchard (a guy I made up). My brother asked for details to make sure I was
telling the truth that it was not James. I told him he was on the high school
baseball varsity team and that we met at some school event.
Apparently he believed me, and then he discovered I was still talking to
James and got very upset. My brother, who is fifteen who is inconsequentially
also named Benjamin and who also does not like James, threatened to tell
Rodney I was still talking to James. Well, that just about spilled my beans,
and then it did. I went right off the bat and told Benj I made up Rodney
Pritchard and that he doesn’t really exist. However, that took a little
persuading since my brother actually knows of Rodney Pritchard. That slightly
scares me, especially since he threatened to ask the guy if I ever talked to
him. I mean come on bro! You said yourself the guy is ugly. Wait! I should
check facebook and see if he actually does exist and what he looks like. Just a
minute.
……….>five minutes later<……
Well, there is a Rodney Pritchard in Clinton
Indiana who is actually kind of hot. However, I think I have been double
crossed. THERE IS NO RODNEY PRITCHARD. So that is my life, the obnoxious boy with
the debiliatating disease of. Man.ego. has gone to bed or just isn’t replying
to my messages. I suppose there is no point in staying awake other than the
fact I am inexplicably sad, which I shall explain tomorrow
